Thursday, January 7, 2010

Ok, so the state of Georgia normally doesn't get too much snow, and when we do, we tend to get a little excited. I stayed up waiting on the snow to fall.

When I noticed the first few flakes begin to fall, I wrapped myself in a blanket and went outside to feel the flakes against my face. The snow began to fall harder, no accumulation expected, but I wanted to sit and watch the snow fall, we may not get anymore this year. I sat on my front porch wrapped tightly in my fuzzy blanket. The only light shining was the flood light toward one of the barns. It illuminated the skies just enough for me to see the flakes fall so graceful, so silent. I find so much peace when I'm alone outside with no one around, but the peace I felt tonight cannot be explained.

Every time it snows, I'm a kid again, wanting to experience every thing there is to experience with the snow. I stood on the side of the porch with my mouth wide open and my head tilted toward the sky. I heard the front door open, Rob wanted to know what the hell I was doing. I informed him I was trying to catch a snow flake on my tongue. He kinda laughed then sat down in the wicker straight back chair I love so much. He began to tell me how he thought us Georgia rednecks go to the extreme when the least bit of snow is fore casted. Aimee and Shelby ran out the door screaming "snow, snow, snow" With the 3 outside, my moments of silence were no more. Rob, originally from Iowa is used to the snow. He's used to the huge flakes and blizzards. So he found our extreme excitement a little bizarre I suppose.

Aimee and Shelby danced around in the yard and I joined them holding their hands dancing around in circles. When the snow began to fall harder and faster with flakes as big as my thumb, I started screaming "oh my God its a freaking blizzard now!!" I was consumed by such a magical joy at that moment. Rob was laughing from the porch saying "this is far from a f-ing blizzard, this is just a little flurry" The girls and I danced around in the midnight snow with our mouths wide open catching the flakes on our tongue, feeling the soft droplets of the flakes on our faces. Lonnie, my baby brother stepped outside, "freaking f-ing awesome man" he said, running to join us in the yard. I glanced at Rob still on the porch shaking his head at our insane midnight joy in the snow.

I finally told the girls they needed to go to bed, just in case they didn't call school off. Rob was confused questioning whether or not the schools would close. I explained that the schools either close or go on a 2 hour delay even with the slightest dusting of snow. He couldnt believe it. He then told me there would be 5 feet of snow in Iowa and still have school. The thing about Georgia and South Carolina, at the slightest mention of snow, people rush to the grocery store buying bread and milk till there is none in stock. I never fully understood that. I, being the big milk drinker that I am, always drink about a gallon in a day in a half, so I'm always buying milk. When the snow idiots buy out the milk and bread from the stores, I'm quite pissed because then I don't get my daily amount of consumption.

At the slightest blanket of snow, us Georgia rednecks, have to go out in our 4 wheel drive trucks and jeeps and make a mess out of the beautiful white blanket that covers the earth, mixing snow and orange mud, turning it into mush. There are more wrecks on the road because we simply do not know how to drive when the innocent flakes begin to fall and accumulate to less than an inch.

With only less than an inch on the ground, we go around building little snowmen and women with what little snow we have. Theres no need to worry if we use up all the snow on the ground, we mix in a little dirt too, or rob some of the powder like dusting off tops of the cars, buildings, sheds, whatever stands holding just a little snow. After our snow/sand men and women are finished we stand back and admire such a beautiful creation.

When the girls went back in the house, I sat on Rob's lap, my blanket still around me and I felt his arms wrap around my midsection. "don't talk to me, just let me enjoy the snow, the peace, the quietness, the beauty, just let me enjoy it" I whispered leaning into him. Snuggled against him in his lap, feeling the warmth of my furry blanket, and his arms, I watched the snow as it
began to fade into the night, as it went from a Georgia blizzard to a single flake every 30 seconds.
We sat in the quiet, not speaking a word. Just him, me, and the Georgia snow. What a great Peace.

Tonight I confess: Its always been a fantasy of mine to make love in the snow, I wanted to tonight but was embarrassed to tell him.
*note* the above photo is of the snow falling

Friday, January 1, 2010

. It was close to 430am when we arrived home last night or should I say this morning. Rob and the band had to play at an overcroweded, well known, popular bar out of town in Athens Ga. last night. No amount of pouting I did could change the fact and the obligation he had made. Totally dedicated to the band, he wouldnt never let them down..a fact I already knew. As much as I had wished we could spend the New Years laying on the couch watching the ball drop on Times Square, I knew I would be spending New Years Eve alone with the girls spending the night at friends. Lonnie was subbing for the lead guitarist of Robs band who had come down with the ever so dreadful Swine Flu 3 days prior to their big gig. Just before Rob and Lonnie were ready to leave, he asked "sure you dont wanna go?" At that instant I changed my mind. I grabbed my purse and climbed in the truck with them....what the hell I wasnt spending New Years eve alone!

I sat at a table close to the stage in the smoke filled bar. I knew I would have to put up with the drunks, but with Rob close by on the stage, I felt ok. During their break or intermission, whatever its called...Rob and Lonnie came and sat down with me, a few minutes later the countdown began. The over crowded bar began to hoot and holler, and Happy New Year
was said through out the whole bar. I felt Robs hand in my hair as he pulled me closer to him,
and kissed me so softly, so gentle. He whispered against my lips "Happy New Year baby".

Later when they were back on stage jamming to some good ole hard rock, I watched Rob as he sang out the lyrics, as he fingers shredded on the guitar, as he moved about the stage from time to time. Thinking about him telling me he loved me, yet he hadnt told me again since then. But as I watched him, I knew without question, I was in love with him. Not sure how it snuck up on me, but it did.

It was close to 330 am when we made the hour long drive back home. I could hardly hold my eyes open. I laid my head against Rob's shoulder. I felt his hand squeeze my thigh. I liked his hand resting there. Rob, Lonnie, and I both had fallen silent in the truck. With my head resting on Robs shoulder, my eyes half closed, I felt happy, safe, content..I felt complete. I must have chuckled a little bit, because Rob asked me what I was laughing at. Quoting a line from the Jerry McQuire movie I said "you complete me". He squeezed my thigh again and i felt his lips on the top of my head. "Im glad you went tonight, I know you dont like bars, but it meant alot you going. I didnt want you spending New Years eve alone" he said softly. Kinda funny, his voice is so soft, even when hes mad his voice is so soft, but when hes on stage singing, and sometimes screaming, its a whole new different voice.
"yea well, I still wished I could have seen some kind of fireworks, whether on tv or out by the lake. I really wanted to go see the fireworks show at the lake" I moaned.
"I know baby, and Im sorry" he said
I let the subject drop. As we sat in silence once again, no radio, only the hum of the trucks motor, i wondered why I had broken up with him a couple of months ago. Rob knew of my accident, although he and I didnt know eachother then. He had read the newspapers, he knew people that knew me, and hes heard lonnie and my brothers and I talk about it. He was perfectly aware of the whole thing. He never once shyed away from me. He accepted everything about me, and even knowing the way my mind goes haywire sometimes, he never once gave up. He accepted the fact when my mind would spend out of control, he always just takes me by the chin, and forces me to look in his eyes, and softly tells me to slow down. Hes handled my emotions, my anger, and never once judged me. So why did I break up with him a couple of months ago?
Because I was scared of falling inlove again, and him leaving. I didnt want to lose him, I didnt want to love and lose. I was selfish, not thinking of how he felt. I lost Doc that way, and I just didnt want to lose Rob, I didnt want that feeling of lonlieness again, instead, I told him I didnt want to see him anymore. A month later, I went to his music store. when I walked through the doors he just stood there looking at me. There was one customer in the store but Rob was only
looking at me. "I made a mistake" I said tears filling my eyes. He walked over to me and took my hands in his. "No Haley, you didnt make a mistake, you were scared, you ran, I waited, and Im still here just like I said" I fell against him feeling his arms around me.

Just before turning on the lonely road that leads to my house I said "I dont want to lose you"
"what brought that on?" he asked
I shrugged my shoulders "just thinking"
"you think too much haley" he said.
"I know, cant help it" i moaned
"well stop thinking, last time you did that, you broke up with me" he said
"im not this time though" i whispered.
"thats good to know" he laughed.

We pulled up in the long drive way to my house. I woke Lonnie up. "im awake" he moaned.
And when truck rolled to a stop, Lonnie jumped out and ran toward one of the barns.
"where the hell is he going?" I asked Rob
He shrugged his shoulders "when you going to learn not to question his intentions and his whereabouts?"
"as long as hes living under my roof, i have that right, are you spending the night, or should i say morning?"
I felt relieved.

Once inside the house, I went straight to the bedroom and starting putting on my pjs. Rob was texting somebody, but I figured it was just a band member letting them know we were home.
Rob walked to my closet and pulled the doors, and pulled out two blankets and my robe. he handed me my rob "put this on" he said.
"why" i asked
"we going outside and lay out under the stars"
"Its 4:35 in the fucking morning Rob, I just want to sleep, plus theres fog, there is no stars"
"I want to make love to you in the field Haley" he said smiling.
"umm I like that idea but its like 30 degrees, foggy, wet, and my bed is so much warmer"
He walked up to me, and started kissing my neck so gently, cold chills ran up and down
my spine "please" he whispered. I pushed him away. "no youve lost your mind" I got in the
bed, and pulled up my nightgown teasing him a tad.
"Nope" he said "im going outside, its a blue moon too, I want to see the blue moon" and he walked out of the bedroom.
I ran down the stairs just as he was walking out the back door and caught up with him.
He stopped in the back yard and laid a blanket on the ground, then he laid down on the blanket.
He patted the empty spot beside him. I laid down beside him shivering. he put his arms around me, then pulled his phone out and texted. "who the hell you keep texting?"
"your brother" he said sarcastically
"whys he at the barn?"
There was a loud boom, and suddenly in the open foggy skies, a multitude of colored sparks appeared in the sky, followed by more, and more. Fireworks, like a grand finale at a firework show.
"Happy New Year Baby" Rob said with his arms hugging me.
Tears filled my eyes "whose shooting them?"
"All 3 of your brothers, i paid them to go pick out the best fireworks just for you, for me to surprise you when we got home. Heres your fireworks baby. I love you Haley"

Today I confess: Im inlove.